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Haggis Coffee

September 24, 2011

I found haggis in a can. A few weeks ago, while visiting Niagara-on-the-Lake, a little Scottish store had it in the back. Being an unusual food enthusiast, I had no choice to try out this food that is not only rare to find in Canada, but even more rare to find in a can.

Haggis is a traditional Scottish dish, made of a sheep’s heart, liver, and lungs, mixed with oats and spices. It’s known for being simmered in a sheep’s stomach, but I didn’t have one handy, so I had to settle for tupperware and a microwave.

You can read about my experience with the haggis itself over on my other blog: Food Review: Haggis in a Can. But this is a coffee blog, so you can probably see where this is going.

I put the microwaved haggis into a cup, then added coffee and sealed it. I let it soak for over 48 hours, to make sure the spicy meaty taste had time to infuse into the coffee.

When I took it out of the fridge and opened it, the smell was not entirely pleasant. I still had to give it a chance, though. I set up an apparatus to filter out the chunks, leaving only pure black haggis-flavoured coffee. Or at least that was the plan.

I ran into a problem. The meat had made the coffee oily and thick; so much so that it refused to drip through my coffee filter. I had to carefully squeeze the filter, coaxing it out the bottom a squirt at a time, not unlike milking a cow. I did this twice, to make sure no chunks remained. It was a slow process, and yielded only a tiny amount of thickened coffee.

Ah well, it’s enough to get a sense of the taste. Bottoms up.

Oh, no. This is not good. Salt is the first taste that hits my mouth, but then the unmistakable taste of mashed up sheep heart, liver, and lungs hits me. It’s a dark, bitter, lingering taste, made even more unpalatable by the coffee.

Oh Christ. This is like drinking the vomit of someone who just won a gravy-chugging contest.

I got some on my fingers and the smell won’t go away. Oh God. I keep washing them. I keep washing my mouth out. It’s still there. Will this be with me forever?

Oh Jesus.

Do not want.

At least I also got this in Niagara-on-the-Lake.

It’s much better. All the taste of Scotland, without feeling like you need to induce vomiting just so there is a more pleasant taste in your mouth.

Oh yeah, obligatory sink shot:

Sorry.

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18 Comments leave one →
  1. September 24, 2011 8:44 pm

    I feel ill having read that, I can’t imagine how you feel. *vomit*

    • September 24, 2011 11:29 pm

      Five hours later, I’m still having flashbacks.

  2. September 24, 2011 10:07 pm

    I am so glad I wasn’t eating when I was reading this, I applaud your courage, good sir. Right now I can’t think of anything that is worse to try.

    • September 24, 2011 11:31 pm

      Thank you good madam. I suppose it could be worse; I could add hot sauce or something.

  3. September 24, 2011 10:18 pm

    Pictures #3 & 4 remind me of a scene from an Austin Powers movie–#2, I believe!

    • September 24, 2011 11:31 pm

      The one where he drinks poop? Haha yeah, this probably didn’t taste much better.

  4. September 24, 2011 11:11 pm

    I admire your dedication. Looks gross!

  5. September 26, 2011 2:18 pm

    Ugh. Better you than me. Are you really so hard up for ideas?

  6. Anonymous permalink
    September 29, 2011 2:26 pm

    Strange that it was made in the U.S.A.

  7. October 5, 2011 2:59 am

    Did you try the haggis by it’s self? It’s possible it was vomitous prior to adding the coffee.

    I know this dude who used to make a haggis dinner every year, he wasn’t even Scottish, he was from New Mexico. It was weird.

  8. Alvin permalink
    October 19, 2011 6:26 pm

    Hundreds of coffee recipes for your iPhone & iPad: http://goo.gl/Z4v9Y

  9. November 25, 2011 7:05 am

    Amazing post! I’ve never had taste this type of coffee. I really need to try this out. Really interesting, Happy thanks giving!

    • February 18, 2012 4:47 pm

      I can’t tell if you’re sarcastic, have horrible taste, or are a spammer. :)

  10. February 2, 2012 1:21 am

    Oh dear, this seems like one of the worse combinations but most daring feats yet…don’t give up on the offle though, if you are a real glutton for punishment, you could perhaps try out the equally revolting english classic of black pudding?

  11. David permalink
    October 24, 2012 9:49 pm

    I know that rubbing table salt all over your hands, as if it were soap, takes out garlic & onion smells. Just wet your hands pour a decent amount in the palm of one hand & “wash” your hands with the salt. Add salt to the dish water to keep the garlic and/or onion smell off all the other dishes also.

Trackbacks

  1. Links for 2011-09-24 « Den's Random Ramblings of Rude Reality
  2. Drinks Week: Coffee | Wordnik

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