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The Electrum Latte: Turmeric and Matcha in Coffee

November 25, 2017

Have you heard that turmeric cures pretty much every disease? And matcha—also known to be a powder—has disease-fighting power of its own. Got a disease? Why not stick these powders in your body? Why not stick them in your coffee?

The “golden latte” is not a new idea. Trendy big city cafes have been putting turmeric in coffee ever since ancient gurus discovered the nourishing properties of the spice (about 2016). Matcha is ground green tea that usually replaces coffee rather than adding to it, and is said to give you a calmer buzz than caffeine alone. Both powders have an earthy flavour, like you’re sucking the healing energy straight from a pile of dirt.

I decided to mix both turmeric and matcha into a latte. I call it the “Electrum Latte” because apparently green gold actually exists, and is called electrum. Electrum Latte copyright, 2017, me.

Anyway, here’s the recipe. Follow along carefully:

  1. Scoop turmeric and matcha into a latte

Good job, you did it! Those diseases will be running for their lives in no time.

Martha Stewart has a recipe for a golden latte, and she recommends making your own yellowish almond milk by straining ground almonds and water through a “nut bag.” Unfortunately, all I have is normal cow-based milk, and the only “nut bag” I own is probably not what she has in mind.

I did the normal espresso and steamed milk thing, then sweetened this with honey, because it seemed like the right thing to do.

The result is a surprisingly normal-looking and delicious latte. It straddles the line between drink and food, because the turmeric can make it taste a bit like sipping the extra curry after you run out of rice. But honestly, I love curry, and it doesn’t clash with the coffee as much as you’d think (as I discovered in PWTIC’s first official success story, Curry Coffee). The matcha mostly disappears flavour-wise, though it would probably give you an extra kick if you’re sensitive to caffeine, since it’s just about doubling the amount.

And in case you didn’t catch the sarcasm, this won’t actually cure any maladies. There’s a small amount of evidence that the ingredients in turmeric and matcha are good for you, but not enough for gurus to be declaring them miracle cures and selling overpriced versions of them. Gwyneth Paltrow can go screw herself with a matcha-coloured egg.

They taste good, though, so, drink up.

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Maple Bacon Latte

February 11, 2017

Look what I got for my birthday!


An espresso machine. Obviously this opens up hundreds, if not billions, of new possibilities for this blog.

First on the list: a maple bacon latte. It’s not the most original idea, but bacon has been a longtime frienemy of PWTIC, and whenever someone asks “what’s the best thing you’ve tried in coffee?” I usually say it’s the Smoked Paprika and Maple Latte. A maple bacon latte could combine all that goodness, if it works. And now I can make a real latte with espresso and steamed milk.


I also happened to have some of this in my fridge. It says “no artificial flavours,” but it’s worth noting that bacon is not in the list of ingredients. So I guess they consider fake bacon to be non-artificial. 100% genuine facon. Whatever; it’s the smokiness that matters here, and it has lots of that.


The steamed milk provides a beautiful marbling of foam and crema, just like in bacon, except it came from the cow’s boobs instead of its flesh. Cool.

If I had bacon bits and whipped cream I’d put those on top to make this post more visually appealing, but, sorry, I didn’t. Please use your imagination.

I used about a tablespoon of the syrup, and it’s just sweet enough for me. The facon flavouring appears as a smokey aftertaste to the maple, providing a multi-level taste adventure. This is honestly one of the best weird coffees I’ve created here. I deem it a success!

Stay tuned for more espresso-based successes and horrible failures.

Marijuana-Infused Coffee Pods Now Exist

December 3, 2016

Put some pot in your pot. Get a buzz with your buzz. Yep, marijuana in coffee is now a thing. FYI.

I’ll be sure to bring you a hands-on (mouth-on? Ew) review as soon as they legalize it here in Canada.

The Peanut Butter Solution: PB2 in Coffee

August 22, 2016

This blog’s very first post was about peanut butter in coffee. Back then I was less sophisticated, so I just dumped raw PB in there and hoped for the best. It was okay, but the “warm snot at the bottom” problem has plagued me to this day.

Many kind commenters suggested something called PB2, and I ignored them for seven years, until I came across the concoction in Costco last week. PB2 is like peanut butter, but one louder. It’s also powdered, which means you have to add liquid to it to make it go. As a coffee expert, I can tell you one thing for certain: coffee is a liquid.

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I put about a tablespoon in. Maybe more. Maybe a lot more. I wanted my first experience with peanut butter’s sequel to be memorable, okay?

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It appeared to immediately mix right in with the coffee, which is what I was going for. Even a blender could not properly mix PB1 into coffee (as demonstrated in the peanut butter and jelly coffee incident of 2009), so this was quite exciting. I’d done it. I’d won. Here is a dot GIF file to demonstrate my feeling at the time:

Won

And it tasted great, too. The second peanut butter’s flavour was subtle, but delicious. Even with the substandard coffee I’d used, it was elevated by the nuttiness and an extra creaminess that transcended the small amount of cream I’d added.

As I suspected all along, the flavour of peanut butter goes perfectly with the flavour of coffee. It was only texture holding me back before.

Then I got to the bottom. I felt a disturbance in the force. There was something solid down there. I brought my mug into the light to investigate further. Here is a dot GIF file of the moment I realized my coffee had broken bad.

PB2 2

Chunks. Always chunks. They follow me wherever I go, lurking under every surface. One cannot escape chunks any more than one can escape death.

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I give PB2 in coffee four and a half out of five stars.

F****ffee

November 11, 2015

I try to keep this place family friendly, but this is too good to pass up. A coffee shop in London, UK, has changed its name to, well, look:

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Fuckoffee. Brilliant.

The attitude carries over into everything the coffee shop does. Their chalk signs are equally uninhibited, and they mock legal threats to the name, recently changing it to F*ckoffee. Their Twitter account alternates between outright telling people to fuck off and offending them in more subtle ways.

Personally, I’m not sure how a word that most people hear every day can be genuinely offensive, especially when mixed with coffee. As we’ve seen here on PWTIC, things are always less offensive when mixed with coffee.

(Okay, not always).

Yogurt and Salt in Coffee

January 25, 2015

I was reliving this blog’s glory days and going through old comments on a Reddit post about PWTIC, and came across this one:

Andrew Zimmern said salt and yogurt in coffee was the most vile thing he ever put in his mouth–considering the stuff he likes to eat–that is quite a statement.

Andrew Zimmern hosted Bizarre Foods on the Travel Channel. He eats a lot of bizarre foods. Here he is putting a raw cow placenta in his mouth:

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I can’t find any reference to him talking about salt and yogurt in coffee other than the Reddit comment, but if he even mentioned its vileness off-hand, it must be pretty bad.

Challenge accepted.

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I am nothing if not classy, so I used sea salt and Greek yogurt in my Spider-Man mug. Also, the yogurt has raspberry, because that’s all that was in the fridge.

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Time to mix it all up. I’m proud to announce a new PWTIC feature: slow-motion videos! Watch this flickering horror show for the next few hours:

When it’s all mixed together, the smell is quite nice. The raspberry traipses pleasantly through my nostrils, mixing with the coffee to bring Black Forest cake to mind. Not bad. Let’s get my taste buds in on the journey.

This is bad. This is very bad.

The first thing I taste is the salt. There’s too much of it, and even though I know it’s liquid, it feels like it’s dry. It’s dry and it’s doing bad things to my tongue.

The yogurt comes next. It feels like it’s trying to form a ball in the back of my throat. It’s physically hard to swallow. I rush over to the sink, in case the stuff needs to take a reverse-traipse out of my body.

Before the second sip, I notice that the feeling of solidity wasn’t an illusion. It’s gathering under the surface, forming odd tentacle formations in its whorls and eddies.

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I can’t take another sip. I release it into the sink, where I pray it does not gather strength then rise up from the depths to enslave mankind.

Dammit Andrew Zimmern, you were right.


See also: the blue cheese in coffee incident.

Weekly Brew Review: Butterscotch Pudding Coffee

April 13, 2014

Tessa from The Bean Stream has some kind words about PWTIC (thanks!), and tried out one of my recipes, with a disastrous modification:

The Bean Stream

Before I get to any reviewing, even before the stupid jokes and puns come out, I want to take no credit for the creation of this coffee.

I stumbled across a blog called Putting Weird Things in Coffee, so of course I had to check it out. I was expecting like cats and staplers, but they actually have real recipes involving weird (but edible) coffee creations.

For those brave coffee drinkers, I suggest checking this blog out. For those slightly less brave, acquire some courage and then go check it out.

Some of them were a little too weird for me (can someone please tell me what Blood Pudding is, I’ve always wanted to know and I’m too lazy to Google), but I did find one that was simple and sounds as delicious as it was: Butterscotch Pudding Coffee.

I abandoned my go-to French Vanilla roast for this experiment…

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