Bacon Coffee, Test #3: Bacon Strips, Ground and Filtered
Building upon the findings of Test #1, it was hypothesized that grinding up bacon, thus increasing its surface area, would lead to greater infusion of flavour into the coffee.
Bacon was first placed into coffee.
Researcher proceeded to hold bacon up to light while laughing maniacally.
Bacon and coffee were then placed into Magic Bullet apparatus and blended for 10 seconds (or less). No cream was added. The mixture took on a creamy colour and texture. Repeat: no cream was added.
Researcher became nervous; began to exhibit signs of distress such as sweating and trembling hands.
Despite further blending, chunkage was apparent. Given previous encounters with chunks, researcher became visibly agitated. After several minutes of contemplation and pacing, he exclaimed “[expletive deleted], I’ve got it,” produced a coffee filter, and set up another apparatus.
Coffee was poured through (another) filter in order to remove chunks. Coffee had taken on thick texture and required manual squeezing in order to drain into mug. Researcher became covered in oily coffee.
Yield was small, but enough to gauge properties of coffee. Filtering was successful; no chunks were detected. The texture was, however, slimey. Taste was not terrible. Smokiness of bacon came through, as did saltiness. However, the researcher was left unsatisfied, expressing a desire for an idealized bacon coffee that he claimed to “have dreamed about nightly,” yet also added, “I will not rest until I find it.”
Further research is needed.
Footnote: The unfiltered, chunk-laden coffee was also attempted. Not recommended. Taste was similar to Cafe Benedict, except chewier.
Readers with strong stomachs may wish to observe the residue.
This research was funded by two generous organizations: Klix offers spiffy coffee vending kiosks, while Flavia offers smaller bean to cup coffee machines. Those certainly look better than vending machines where I’ve worked. The sludge that came out of those didn’t need weird things to taste weird.
Putting Weird Things in Coffee 
how about refridgerating/freezing, and skimming off the fat. I think the drinking fat part makes it not as tasty as can be.
This is a thing you might like:
http://consumerist.com/2010/05/are-you-ready-for-your-bacon-latte.html
Man, this experiment probably shaved a couple years off your life. I think you’re going to die if you keep up with this search.
Might you be interested in Bacon flavoured coffee syrup? http://consumerist.com/2010/05/are-you-ready-for-your-bacon-latte.html Yes this actually exists.
How can you have vegan and bacon in the same sentence?
Matt: Good idea! I may try this next time.
Lillie & Sally: Hehe, everyone is sending me that. I’m keeping an eye out for a way to get it ordered here.
Tim: I am willing to die for my cause.
Fish: Haha nice! I’ve been wanting to go there for a while. When I’m rich, I think I’ll take a road trip down to San Fran for it (and be sure to ask them how exactly they make that refined bacon).
Just stick 2 strips of cooked bacon in your mug of coffee and try to savor the flavor.
holy crap i almost peed myself while reading your blog. your soooo hilarious! i stumbled across it while searching for a new coffee machine, i think i might have to recommend your blog to everyone i know! thanks for the laughs!!
Aw shucks, thank you!
I’m a spammer. I fail at life.
Earlier this week (and what led me to your blog), I tried adding about a teaspoon of bacon grease to my cup of coffee with a little bit of honey. I’m a fat saver. Bacon grease. Chicken fat. Mixed left over fats from cooking meats and veggies. Fat holds the essence of flavor, after all! I was super nervous to try it. It took me a couple minutes to work up the nerve, which is why I found your blog at all. I wanted someone to confirm or deny what I was about to consume!
But it was DELICIOUS. A perfect blend of smoky, sweet and bitter. Give it a go! 😀