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Café Benedict

March 29, 2010

Wikipedia tells the story of the origin of eggs Benedict:

In an interview in the “Talk of the Town” column of The New Yorker in 1942, the year before his death, Lemuel Benedict, a retired Wall Street stock broker, claimed that he had wandered into the Waldorf Hotel in 1894 and, hoping to find a cure for his morning hangover, ordered “buttered toast, poached eggs, crisp bacon and a hooker of hollandaise.” Oscar Tschirky, the famed maître d’hôtel, was so impressed with the dish that he put it on the breakfast and luncheon menus but substituted ham and a toasted English muffin for the bacon and toast.

While probably not the true origin, I like this story for several reasons:
1) LOL, “hooker.”
2) It acknowledges eggs Benedict’s proper place as hangover food.

We’ve all been there. Eleven o’clock on a Sunday, head throbbing, stomach churning but oddly hungry, at the closest cheap diner, with a big plate of deep fried potatoes, greasy bacon, and buttery buttery eggs Benedict. Oh, and coffee on the side.

Why not pare this hangover cure down to its core elements? Which are, of course, Hollandaise sauce and coffee.

I just so happen to have some lying around after making this masterpiece:

Oh look on top there, it’s smoked paprika making its second appearance on this blog! Hi smoked paprika!

Anyway, a day later, the sauce doesn’t look quite so smooth and creamy after reheating:

But I’m sure it will come around once it realizes it is meant to be with coffee.

Ok, maybe not.

It’ll need some convincing. I introduce it to the whisk, and that seems to chill it out a bit, save for an oily film on top and a few stray chunky bits. Plus, it feels oddly viscous, resisting every swirl of the whisk. Ah well, in with the rest of the coffee!

Looks pretty good. Nice colour (no cream required, since there’s already a lot in the sauce), and a mesmerizing texture on the surface.

I take a sip.

UNGH! Not good.

It’s thick. Like I’m drinking gravy. It’s so buttery that I feel like I gain a pound with each sip. I love butter as much as anyone (even in coffee), but this is too much slippery goodness. Also, it’s saltier than ocean water.

I’m getting involuntary shivers after taking a few sips.

This could help with a hangover, but only because it forces you to vomit. Stick with drowning eggs and English muffins in Hollondaise sauce; it is not friends with coffee.

Oh, the PWTIC STORE IS OPEN!!! Show your friends and coworkers that you really love coffee, no matter what it looks like. Got any suggestions for more merchandise? Want a PWTIC shirt? Any specific posts you want to take physical form? Leave a comment or email suggestions at puttingweirdthingsincoffee dot com. Then go shop now omg!!!

13 Comments leave one →
  1. March 29, 2010 2:46 pm

    I thought I would be the only one laughing at that hooker quote! So happy you thought it was funny too, now I don’t feel so immature! 😉

    You are very brave for trying this one…probably one of the grossest I’ve seen (next to the egg coffee!)

  2. March 30, 2010 12:46 am

    Ewwww… I went from really wanting eggs benidict to feeling ill but now I’ve scrolled past the picture I want them again with coffee on the side I think.

  3. March 31, 2010 8:48 pm

    The comments on the blog post below might shed some light on this!

  4. April 1, 2010 3:00 am

    Of all the gross things we’ve read that you’ve put in coffee (like fish, and cheese) THIS one I did not expect to be THAT bad. Sure it’s gross, but really most sauces in coffee would be. I’ve got to say I’m just surprised you disliked it that much.

  5. April 2, 2010 12:02 pm

    Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?

    • Eldora Spammy McSpammer permalink
      May 25, 2011 5:43 am

      Cool you should come up with that. Excellent!

  6. Brendy The Spammer permalink
    May 25, 2011 5:13 am

    I bow down humbly in the presence of such greatness.

  7. Noname permalink
    June 9, 2011 1:32 pm

    Would it have tasted any better if you had left in the english muffin, egg and ham I wonder? … wanna try again?

  8. June 17, 2011 1:25 am

    You’re right. I’M ON IT.

    (No I’m not)


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