Yogurt and Salt in Coffee

I was reliving this blog’s glory days and going through old comments on a Reddit post about PWTIC, and came across this one:

Andrew Zimmern said salt and yogurt in coffee was the most vile thing he ever put in his mouth–considering the stuff he likes to eat–that is quite a statement.

Andrew Zimmern hosted Bizarre Foods on the Travel Channel. He eats a lot of bizarre foods. Here he is putting a raw cow placenta in his mouth:

I can’t find any reference to him talking about salt and yogurt in coffee other than the Reddit comment, but if he even mentioned its vileness off-hand, it must be pretty bad.

Challenge accepted.

I am nothing if not classy, so I used sea salt and Greek yogurt in my Spider-Man mug. Also, the yogurt has raspberry, because that’s all that was in the fridge.

Time to mix it all up. I’m proud to announce a new PWTIC feature: slow-motion videos! Watch this flickering horror show for the next few hours:

When it’s all mixed together, the smell is quite nice. The raspberry traipses pleasantly through my nostrils, mixing with the coffee to bring Black Forest cake to mind. Not bad. Let’s get my taste buds in on the journey.

This is bad. This is very bad.

The first thing I taste is the salt. There’s too much of it, and even though I know it’s liquid, it feels like it’s dry. It’s dry and it’s doing bad things to my tongue.

The yogurt comes next. It feels like it’s trying to form a ball in the back of my throat. It’s physically hard to swallow. I rush over to the sink, in case the stuff needs to take a reverse-traipse out of my body.

Before the second sip, I notice that the feeling of solidity wasn’t an illusion. It’s gathering under the surface, forming odd tentacle formations in its whorls and eddies.

I can’t take another sip. I release it into the sink, where I pray it does not gather strength then rise up from the depths to enslave mankind.

Dammit Andrew Zimmern, you were right.

See also: the blue cheese in coffee incident.