CAKE!
In the comments on a previous post, reader Leah made a wonderful and simple suggestion: “Cake!!”
I just so happened to have some Mississippi Mud Pie lying around. But what is the best way to get its chocolatey nutty mocha-ey flavour into coffee? Well, I’ve never been a fan of subtlety, so I just dropped the whole damn thing in.
Add some cream and sugar.
Then supercharge that mocha flavour with some coffee.
And blend the heck out of it.
The thing I immediately noticed about the finished product was that it looked like a foamy fancy drink, and smelled delicious.
The taste was good, but not as sweet or as bold as I thought it would be. It was like a mild hot chocolate. Obviously the mocha flavour, which stands out in the cake on its own, was all but absent in a drink that’s 3/4 coffee.
I’ve done some undocumented experiments with nuts before, and found that whole nuts (vs. nut butter) give coffee a gritty texture without the subtle nutty flavour I desired. The candied pecans here were no exception, even though there weren’t many. I was surprised that the rest of the cake blended smoothly into the coffee, though, leaving only some nut bits at the bottom.
Overall, it was good, but for all the calories I’d rather just make a nice café mocha.
I gotta try this with other cakes. I bet vanilla birthday cake with lots of icing would be delicious.
Banana Mocha
Is that a banana in your coffee, or are you just happy to see me?
Directions: Put a banana, sugar, and some chocolate powder in coffee. Blend.
The first few sips were not bad. Like a mocha with a bit of banana flavour in the background. I was surprised by how smoothly the banana blended into the coffee.
But it began to get thicker with every sip. After two or three minutes, it became apparent that something had gone horribly wrong. Soon, instead of sipping coffee, my lips hit a jelly-like mass.
It’s clear that some sort of curdling or condensing or something has gone on here. I couldn’t bring myself to drink any more. I carried the jiggling mess to the sink.
I’m very sorry to have to show you this, but you must be warned to never, ever put bananas in your coffee.
Banana mocha coffee may sound delicious, but seriously kids, just say no.
It’s Peanut Butter Jelly Time
In the comments to PWTIC’s peanut butter coffee post, reader Meera writes:
I just tried this idea, and my dad walked in and jokingly suggested I add jelly. So I did, and it was actually really good. It’s like a sandwich in your coffee. Highly recommended.
Why hadn’t I thought of it? PB & J go so well together in sandwiches, that there is no reason they can’t get it on in coffee as well.
So I took the condiments I had lying around.
Put them in one of the party cups for the Magic Bullet blender. With a bit of sweetener, but not too much; jam should already be sweet, right?
Some cream.
Put it all in a Magic Bullet (or other blender of your choice), blend it up, and you’re left with a lovely looking foamy drink.
Taste-wise, this is actually the weirdest coffee I’ve made so far. The peanut butter, now blended right in with the coffee due to the magic of the blender, hinted at great things. But the jam gave the whole thing a sour flavour; like the cream had gone bad … or curdled, which maybe it had. It’s possible that the rather bitter pomegranate jam I used wasn’t the best compliment to coffee. If I do this again, I’ll try something sweeter like that strawberry junk that’s loaded with sugar; maybe then I can share Meera’s enthusiasm.
The blender also failed to fully solve PWTIC’s persistent sludge-at-the-bottom problem:
Seeds and PB goo at the bottom. Oh my!
So hey, not quite a recommendation, but it’s got potential.
Other peanut butter sandwich combinations on the to-do list: peanut butter banana and peanut butter pickle.
Welcome StumbleUpon People
Looks like I got StumbledUpon. Welcome everyone coming from there. Be sure to return soon; I have some delicious new concoctions in the works, including some suggestions from readers with sick, sick minds.
Guess What I Got
And guess how many more unusual coffee creations this can lead to.
Stay tuned.
OPTIMUM BIOPOWER XTREME PROTEIN COFFEE
So I get home from the gym, and I know I should have some protein to feed my rippling muscles, but I’m also tired and in the mood for caffeine. But surely my body does not have room for both…unless I combine them.
This stuff has fourteen grams of protein in every serving. That sure sounds like a lot! I scooped a serving into my coffee, figuring it’s vanilla flavoured, so it’ll pretty much make a nice French vanilla cappuccino type thing. And just by drinking it, the protein and caffeine will make me be both ripped and shakey, sorta like Mickey Rourke. All that bacon weight will just melt away.
The protein powder clumped up a bit. Even after stirring vigorously, there was this little clump within a bubble, which looks pretty cool.
Unfortunately, the finished drink tasted less like a French vanilla cappuccino, more like water squeezed out of wet cardboard. I’m not sure why – the powder tastes fine with milk – but combine it with coffee and suddenly it becomes indistinguishable from chewing on mushy paper.
And of course, there’s the persistent problem encountered here at PWTIC – what to do with the sludge at the bottom of the cup. As you see, it’s hard to tell if this is a coffee cup or a dirty sewer pipe.
So, for the first time, I have to discourage one of my coffee creations. Do not put vanilla protein powder in coffee.
Whopper Coffee
No, not the Burger King hamburger. I’m talking about the candy kind of Whoppers; you know, chocolate on the outside, and that always-mysterious ingredient, malted milk, on the inside. I used the Easter egg kind, because they were on sale.
Just put some whoppers into your mug.
Then pour really hot coffee over it. It needs to be hot enough to melt those suckers.
Yes yes I know, it looks like poo. But just keep stirring until they’re mostly melted. You can get through this.
Eventually it is a nice dark, textured chocolaty drink.
It tastes like mocha coffee with a hint of the caramel-ish malt insides. Perhaps last week’s bacon coffee made you nauseous, but I assure you, this actually tastes very good.
You can learn more about the various kinds of Whoppers on Wikipedia:
Oh, hey, do you have suggestions for future installments of Putting Weird Things in Coffee? Send them to suggestions [at] puttingweirdthingsincoffee [dot] com . Let me be your guinea pig.
Putting Weird Things in Coffee 
