Café Benedict
Wikipedia tells the story of the origin of eggs Benedict:
In an interview in the “Talk of the Town” column of The New Yorker in 1942, the year before his death, Lemuel Benedict, a retired Wall Street stock broker, claimed that he had wandered into the Waldorf Hotel in 1894 and, hoping to find a cure for his morning hangover, ordered “buttered toast, poached eggs, crisp bacon and a hooker of hollandaise.” Oscar Tschirky, the famed maître d’hôtel, was so impressed with the dish that he put it on the breakfast and luncheon menus but substituted ham and a toasted English muffin for the bacon and toast.
While probably not the true origin, I like this story for several reasons:
1) LOL, “hooker.”
2) It acknowledges eggs Benedict’s proper place as hangover food.
We’ve all been there. Eleven o’clock on a Sunday, head throbbing, stomach churning but oddly hungry, at the closest cheap diner, with a big plate of deep fried potatoes, greasy bacon, and buttery buttery eggs Benedict. Oh, and coffee on the side.
Why not pare this hangover cure down to its core elements? Which are, of course, Hollandaise sauce and coffee.
I just so happen to have some lying around after making this masterpiece:
Oh look on top there, it’s smoked paprika making its second appearance on this blog! Hi smoked paprika!
Anyway, a day later, the sauce doesn’t look quite so smooth and creamy after reheating:
But I’m sure it will come around once it realizes it is meant to be with coffee.
Ok, maybe not.
It’ll need some convincing. I introduce it to the whisk, and that seems to chill it out a bit, save for an oily film on top and a few stray chunky bits. Plus, it feels oddly viscous, resisting every swirl of the whisk. Ah well, in with the rest of the coffee!
Looks pretty good. Nice colour (no cream required, since there’s already a lot in the sauce), and a mesmerizing texture on the surface.
I take a sip.
UNGH! Not good.
It’s thick. Like I’m drinking gravy. It’s so buttery that I feel like I gain a pound with each sip. I love butter as much as anyone (even in coffee), but this is too much slippery goodness. Also, it’s saltier than ocean water.
I’m getting involuntary shivers after taking a few sips.
This could help with a hangover, but only because it forces you to vomit. Stick with drowning eggs and English muffins in Hollondaise sauce; it is not friends with coffee.
Oh, the PWTIC STORE IS OPEN!!! Show your friends and coworkers that you really love coffee, no matter what it looks like. Got any suggestions for more merchandise? Want a PWTIC shirt? Any specific posts you want to take physical form? Leave a comment or email suggestions at puttingweirdthingsincoffee dot com. Then go shop now omg!!!
Putting a Chia Pet in Coffee
Chai coffees and teas are all the rage these days. But if you’re not careful, chai could easily be mistyped as chia. What’s that? You want me to put the gunk you spread on a Chia pet in my coffee? OKAY!
Apparently Chia seeds are not only edible, but nutritious too.
The seeds come out as tiny dry pellets. Following the instructions for growing a Chia pet, I soaked them in water for about half an hour, after which they became a jelly-like mass.
Honestly, looking at it, this grossed me out more than a lot of other things I’ve tried here. Especially since the Chia pet they came with still haunts my nightmares.
But I had to try the stuff on its own before putting it in coffee (to make sure it follows the one rule). The gooey texture was a bit weird, and was followed by some crunchiness that reminded me of poppy seeds. The taste was slightly nutty with a hint of a fresh, citrusy flavour.
Definitely edible, so time to add it to coffee.
“Luckily,” the stuff floated instead of sinking to the bottom. It stayed as a solid mass at first, but with a little encouragement the seeds broke up and whatever chemical sludge holds them together dissolved into the coffee. Bottoms up.
You know, this is not as bad as I was fearing. Remember the drink Orbitz?
I’m reminded of that, or bubble tea. The solid bits add an odd sensation to each sip as they slip and slide down my throat, but don’t really affect the taste of the coffee. I feel some of them clinging onto and between my teeth, but hey, I was planning on flossing anyway.
All in all, I wouldn’t ch-ch-chow down on this every day, but it was a surprisingly enjoyable experiment.
Carpuccino
To provide a taste of the upcoming PWTIC sister blog, Putting Coffee in Weird Things1, I present to you: A Car That Runs on Coffee.
(Thanks Shora!)
P.S. I bet the title fooled you into thinking I’d thrown a carp in coffee. Not yet, my friends, not yet.
P.P.S. Also for your consideration:
(thanks BRay)
1 Note: PCIWT will probably never actually exist.
Smoked Paprika and Maple Latte
My friend’s mom—let’s call her “V”—is a wonderful cook. Every time I’ve gone for dinner, she has whipped up dishes that were not only delicious, but creative. So when she emailed me a suggestion for the blog, I had to listen.
Her suggestion? Smoked paprika coffee, sweetened with maple syrup.
This is no regular paprika. The smokiness hit my nose as soon as I opened it, and trying a bit on my tongue, it was quite spicy.
I put just a bit in the grounds; maybe half a teaspoon or less1.
I mixed it up a bit, then brewed the coffee. I took a few sips of the coffee black. It was quite good; the smokiness definitely came through and went well with coffee’s natural earthy flavour. The spice was also prominent, coming across like a milder version of my successful Curry Coffee.
But I wanted to take all of V’s advice, in addition to taking the spicy coffee idea in a new direction. So out came the maple syrup.
The real stuff, obvi.
I put about two tablespoons of syrup, along with some cream 2. Then, to top it off and make it look fancy-like, some whipped cream and another pinch of paprika.
Well now, this is not bad at all. Having the paprika right on top made the smokiness really hit my nose as I sipped. The maple syrup is subtle, but it sweetens without detracting from the drink’s earthy theme. With the other flavours competing for attention, the spice comes through mostly as an aftertaste, providing an unusual little kick.
I’ll definitely try variations on this again. Apparently there is a sweet (vs. hot) version of the smoked paprika that may go better here. I’d also add a bit more maple syrup next time. However, I’m going to label this as a big success. I’d pay good money for it in a coffee shop. Hey Starbucks: hire me.
Note: If you’d like to try this yourself, the smoked paprika may be hard to find. You’re probably better off searching independent / specialty food stores than grocery stores (it’s called La Chinata if you want to ask for it by name). I got it at Jill’s Table here in London Ontario.
1 I actually freaked out and took a bit off after taking the picture. You don’t need much.
2 OK, I know, it’s not a true latte without hot/steamed milk. But “double double with paprika” just didn’t have the same ring to it.
Low Fat Whipped Dressing in Coffee
In the comments to a previous post, a fellow named Taft wrote the following:
I shared the love on Metafilter a few days ago. So perhaps I have a voice in what you review next (heh)? I suggest mayonnaise and/or crumbled up Doritos in the grounds.
Indeed, the link from Metafilter is largely responsible for a lot of this blog’s recent success, so Taft deserves special attention. Mayonnaise it is!
Except I don’t have any mayonnaise around. I don’t even have its cheap and ugly little brother, Miracle Whip. Oh, but what have we here? PC Low Fat Whipped Dressing? I suppose that’s the next next best thing.
After my Eggspresso post, several people wrote in to suggest improvements. One that came up repeatedly was to whisk the egg into a little bit of coffee, then slowly add the rest, so it turns into a thick cream rather than a chunky mess. Since whipped dressing has egg in it, I thought I’d try this technique.
It seems to be working. There are a few floaty bits, but mostly it looks like coffee with a nice amount of cream.
I slowly whisk in a full mug. It’s looking good. Doesn’t smell too bad. Maybe this will be a surprise success. Bottoms up.
Oh. Oh my god. The moment it enters my mouth, I know that something has gone wrong. It’s sour; oh jesus, it’s like acid burning my tongue.
In the name of science, I take another sip. No yeah, this is the closest I’ve come to chugging vomit. Somehow it’s even worse than blue cheese dip.
I should have gone with the Doritos.
Eggspresso Replication
In my non-blogging secret-identity life, I am a scientist. As such, I value scientific techniques such as replication, blinding, and control conditions.
So it tickled my test tubes to see Kate (?) over at The Purpose of Time is to Prevent Everything From Happening at Once perform a double-blind-ish taste test replication of PWTIC’s Eggspresso experiment.
You’ll have to click to see the results.
She also gets bonus credit for using the word “proteinaceous.”
Bonus Post: Butter Chicken Plus Coffee Minus Chicken
I love me some butter chicken. So when I created curry coffee last Friday, I couldn’t help but see what happens when one of butter chicken’s defining ingredients was added.
(yeah, butter, not chicken)
It gave the coffee a completely different, but not entirely unpleasant, smell. Taste-wise, it was like adding butter on top of spicy coffee. No real complimenting of flavours going on.
I’ll stick with “normal” curry flavored coffee.
It sure looks cool though!
Putting Weird Things in Coffee 